It’s all Greek to me

Are authors and filmmakers running out of creativity? Why are they just plumbing old Greek myths and dressing them up with a smattering of teenagers and a double measure of 21st century angst? And why, for the love of antiquity, are they getting it all wrong?

There’s Wrath of the Titans and its equally ridiculous older brother, Clash, for instance. Those two are pure fluff, stealing concepts and character names from a variety of sources. The Kraken, folks, doesn’t even exist in Greek myth. If anything, it’s probably Norse. And besides, have you seen the Kraken in Clash? It’s not even a squid- which monsterologists agree is what a Kraken is –  it’s a cranky guy with bad teeth and a hula skirt made from dreadlocks.

Whatever. And then there’s Percy Jackson. At first, the idea of a lightning thief seemed to be reminiscent of the story of Prometheus – the guy who stole fire from the gods and got his liver turned into a midnight buffet for a big-ass eagle. As it turned out, however, Percy – apparently short for Perseus – was no Promethean but a befuddled teenager struggling with daddy-issues. Singluarly uninspiring although perhaps a perfect fit for today’s coddled juveniles.

Another thing that annoys muchly is the persistent portrayal of Hades as a villain, outcast by his two brothers, Zeus and waterous Poseidon. Idiots.

Hades was no bitter, outcast villain. He got to rule the underworld simply through the luck of the draw. After defeating the Titans, the three eldest sons of Cronus drew lots. Zeus got the sky, Poseidon got the sea, and Hades got the underworld.

And besides, he had nothing to be bitter about. Hades ruled over the underworld where lay hidden gold and other precious metals and stones. So Hades was, in fact, considered the very personification of wealth. Hence today, when we speak of the rule of the wealthy, we call it a plutocracy, from the Greek root ploutos, wealth. Get it? Pluto; Hades’ Romanized name.

And his demesne wasn’t a Christian hell either. The underworld as the Greeks envisioned it was no place for punishment, but a dimly lit holding room where the dead can wait to be reborn. Sure there was weeping and wailing, and it must have been a very depressing place, but it was not a place of torment. The closest the Greeks came to a Christian hell was Tartarus, where the Titans were imprisoned.

So, Hades – despite being a scary figure since he ruled over the dead and all that – wasn’t really a bad guy. His younger brothers were arguably worse. Zeus was an incorrigible philanderer and Poseidon – well, Poseidon may well have been responsible for the very first transgender in history.

Have I gotten off-course or what? Whatever.

It’s a Sunday and this is all Greek to me anyway.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *